It seems like it's been eons since I last posted some of my thoughts. Not sure why, maybe because when I am emotionally content, balanced.. I have less things on my mind that need to come out. However, let's face it. My balance is a farce at best.
Today I have lunch with her. First time meeting in a social setting outside of brief run ins at each others respective homes in 5 months. I am excited, but at the same time scared. There is always an awkwardness that I exude when I am around her. It's just funny to me, that after 5 months apart I still almost fall into old habit and almost kiss her each time I see her. I think my emotions just decided to take a vacation from reality and when she's around, they all come rushing back and don't realize just what has been happening for the last 5 months. I will continue to bend my mind around this reality, no matter how much I desire it not to be so. For both our sakes.
Next month is her birthday so I am taking her to see Nine Inch Nails in Seattle. The plan is to spend the day together, and either have a late night then drive home, or get a place to post up for the night. I am trying not to let my mind wander as to what that that may mean, together in a hotel for a night. 1 bed or 2? These kinds of things are best left until its actually time to deal with them, no point in getting worked up for something that's not even happened yet.
Other than that, my life has been pretty simple. I bury myself in my computer, in my games, and my work when I am working. Sleep escapes me most of the time, no change there. I have become accustomed to 5 hours of sleep a night. My diet plan failed, of course I knew it would. My habit of going to the gym to work out 3 nights a week has also failed. Why? I am a creature of habit, and I have many bad habits. Being unmotivated is one of them, unfortunately.
A man chooses, a slave obeys. It's time for me to start choosing.
