It is scary being so sure about this. The path before us lays on dangerous ground. Consequences dire if hearts are not true. I feel it is right. I know it is right. But fate, it seems, is not without its penalties, its trials and tribulations.
Hand in hand I walk with you. I won't leave your side. I love you too much.
We will walk together.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Some People Are Twats
What a bitch. Also, what is the "kinda" last book? Probably just a wikipedia of spoilers. So not only did you ruin something I've enjoyed the last 10 years, you insult both the movie goers and book readers alike with the "cliff notes" version of the series.
There is a special kind of hell for people like you.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Back to the Future 3 Sucks
So okay this entry is just something I was thinking about randomly this morning after talking about Deloreans with my friend Chelle. Don't ask how me how the hell that even comes up in random conversation, it just did.
I started to think about all the Back to the Future movies and it occurred to me after much thought that Back to the Future 3 is just a piece of shit. Why you ask? Let me explain.
Before I can really delve into specifics on why part 3 sucks Einstein's dick (the dog or the actual man, you decide), let's review the plot, shall we?
At the end of part 2, Marty incinerates the sports almanac that caused Biff to get rich and put fake tits on his mom in the alternate timeline they created (so this restores the normal timeline as he knows it.) Moments later, a lightning bolt strikes the Delorean in flight, which activates the time circuits and sends Doc Brown disappearing into thin air. Marty is like "Oh snap!" and starts to cry like a baby. Moments later, some asshole in a raincoat and hat comes up and delivers a Western Union telegram to Marty. Turns out to be a letter from Doc Brown, from 1885, and he explains to Marty what had JUST happened. So basically Doc is stuck in the past with a broken time machine and so this sets up the premise for "Marty Fucks Up Time Again, part 3".
So in part 3, Marty goes and finds 1955 Doc and explains to him the shit that went down. So they follow 1885 Doc's letter to find the Delorean stashed away in some cave. 1955 Doc cleans it up and puts some sick rims on it. Marty then dresses up like a member of the village people and goes back in time to rescue Doc.
So anyways, before Marty came back in time he uncovered just how 1885 Doc dies: He is shot by "Mad Dog" Tannen over a dispute of 80 dollars. This puts extreme urgency on the situation. Okay, I can roll with that. So Marty gets back to the past, finds Doc but before he found him, he managed to fuck up the Delorean and let all the gas leak out of the tank. Like a typical dipshit high school kid that he plays, it doesn't even occur to him that modern gasoline is not going to be invented for like 20 more years. When he tells Doc about the gas, Doc freaks out and beats him with a flux capacitor.
Okay plot explained. This is where the fun part starts, get ready.
The two main opposing forces in this movie are Doc Brown being shot dead by Mad Dog Tannen, and getting the Delorean somehow up to 88 mph so they can activate the time circuits and return home.
1. The 88 mph Fuck Up
Doc decides that the best course of action to fix the time machine is to hijack a steam train, put in some sweet ass presto logs that burn as hot as the sun, and push the time machine back up to 88 mph right before the train goes off a cliff. Sounds reasonable, right? Fuck no its not. Why you ask? Let me explain.
The time circuits activate once the speedometer and/or the wheel travel exceeds the rotation rate of 88 mph. The fact that this was achieved by the car traveling at this speeds on land is irrelevant. The mechanism itself does not depend on the car traveling at that speed, just that the wheels and/or speedometer readout reaches those points to activate the circuits.
In 1880, Thomas Edison patented a system for electricity distribution of DC power, or also known as direct current. And actually, in 1885 is when Nikolai Tesla came up with AC current, or alternating current. So either way you look at it, electricity was now something man could harness for various reasons. Doc Brown, being the educated man that he was, should have thought of this instantly.
Doc Brown should have invented the electric motor. It is very simple in design. Basically, a spool of wire wrapped around a magnet when subjected to an energy field (electricity) will cause the magnets to spin, thus creating an electricity driven motor. Doc could have invented a motor very easily using these base concepts, and then engineering a drive belt or chain system of some kind connected to the rear drive axel of the Delorean. This could easily be achieved in a relatively short amount of time, and could easily propel the wheels to the required 88 mph. What is a bonus is that the time machine wouldn't be traveling at a forward rate of 88 mph upon arrival at the new time destination. In the past this has caused the passenger in the vehicle to crash into a barn, a movie theater, and a pack of pissed off Indians. The time machine would simply activate and arrive at its destination safely.
But, Doc Brown was to die in 3 days, remember?! There is no way Doc could have made a motor in 3 days! I'm glad you pointed that out.
2. Pay Your Fucking Bills
It said in a newspaper article, in black and white, that Doc Brown was shot dead by Mad Dog Tannen over a matter of 80 dollars. So both Doc and Marty know HOW Doc is killed, WHY he is killed, and WHEN he is killed. This is some serious fucking information and yet they waste it. Doc and Marty only focus on the HOW, and WHEN. But I say fuck that... let's look at the WHY.
Q: Why Was Doc Brown killed by Mad Dog Tannen?
A: Doc owed him 80 dollars (5 for a bottle of Tennesee whiskey, 75 dollars for a dead horse)
Solution: Pay Mad Dog Tannen his 80 dollars.
That is seriously all Doc had to do to save his life. He needed to open up his wallet, pull out 80 dollars, and hand it over to him. Sure, he would lose his sense of pride, but he'd have his fucking life. Instead of doing that, he decides to hijack a train, drive it off a cliff, and accidentally saving a life of some stupid bitch he had no business saving.
I love the Back to the Future series, I really do. But part 3 just pisses me off. Basically, the first 2 movies had dire situations that justified all the crazy shit that happens. In part 1, Marty goes back in time and has no more plutonium to activate the time circuits to get home. He also fucks up his parents hooking up. So he has to 1. Work with 1955 Doc Brown to precisely time a fucking LIGHTNING BOLT to shoot into the flux capacitor, and 2. Get his mom to stop wanting his dick long enough to fuck George McFly, his dad. If he doesn't get his parents to hook up, he will never be born. If he misses the lightning, he will be stuck in the past for the rest of his life.
In part 2, they go to the future and bring back that almanac that lets Biff make billions on gambling and causing him to be able to change the timeline, which includes killing Marty's dad and marrying his mom, and getting her a boob job. So he has to return to the past and undo all the events that lead to this alternate timeline. The fact that they brought in alternate timelines, or alternate realities, was just badass.
In part 3, well.... if he had just paid 80 dollars, everything would eventually turn out fine. Way to think it out, Doc.
Make like a tree, and get outta here.
**EDIT**
I just realized that the Delorean in part 2 did fly, and could activate the time circuits after 88 mph in flight mode. This concludes that the mechanism involved to activate the time circuits is somehow tied into the vehicle's speed readout instruments. I imagine flight mode to be tied into the speedometer in some fashion to track speed in flight as well as on the ground (the wheels are not used in flight mode, but are turned with wheel hubs facing downward to direct thrusters to keep it aloft.) But either way you look at it, it was a speedometer mechanism of some kind that was used as a "safety" for activating the time circuits, and this should have been able to be easily mended or at least worked around without causing harm to anyone or any property.
I started to think about all the Back to the Future movies and it occurred to me after much thought that Back to the Future 3 is just a piece of shit. Why you ask? Let me explain.
Before I can really delve into specifics on why part 3 sucks Einstein's dick (the dog or the actual man, you decide), let's review the plot, shall we?
At the end of part 2, Marty incinerates the sports almanac that caused Biff to get rich and put fake tits on his mom in the alternate timeline they created (so this restores the normal timeline as he knows it.) Moments later, a lightning bolt strikes the Delorean in flight, which activates the time circuits and sends Doc Brown disappearing into thin air. Marty is like "Oh snap!" and starts to cry like a baby. Moments later, some asshole in a raincoat and hat comes up and delivers a Western Union telegram to Marty. Turns out to be a letter from Doc Brown, from 1885, and he explains to Marty what had JUST happened. So basically Doc is stuck in the past with a broken time machine and so this sets up the premise for "Marty Fucks Up Time Again, part 3".
So in part 3, Marty goes and finds 1955 Doc and explains to him the shit that went down. So they follow 1885 Doc's letter to find the Delorean stashed away in some cave. 1955 Doc cleans it up and puts some sick rims on it. Marty then dresses up like a member of the village people and goes back in time to rescue Doc.
So anyways, before Marty came back in time he uncovered just how 1885 Doc dies: He is shot by "Mad Dog" Tannen over a dispute of 80 dollars. This puts extreme urgency on the situation. Okay, I can roll with that. So Marty gets back to the past, finds Doc but before he found him, he managed to fuck up the Delorean and let all the gas leak out of the tank. Like a typical dipshit high school kid that he plays, it doesn't even occur to him that modern gasoline is not going to be invented for like 20 more years. When he tells Doc about the gas, Doc freaks out and beats him with a flux capacitor.
Okay plot explained. This is where the fun part starts, get ready.
The two main opposing forces in this movie are Doc Brown being shot dead by Mad Dog Tannen, and getting the Delorean somehow up to 88 mph so they can activate the time circuits and return home.
1. The 88 mph Fuck Up
Doc decides that the best course of action to fix the time machine is to hijack a steam train, put in some sweet ass presto logs that burn as hot as the sun, and push the time machine back up to 88 mph right before the train goes off a cliff. Sounds reasonable, right? Fuck no its not. Why you ask? Let me explain.
The time circuits activate once the speedometer and/or the wheel travel exceeds the rotation rate of 88 mph. The fact that this was achieved by the car traveling at this speeds on land is irrelevant. The mechanism itself does not depend on the car traveling at that speed, just that the wheels and/or speedometer readout reaches those points to activate the circuits.
In 1880, Thomas Edison patented a system for electricity distribution of DC power, or also known as direct current. And actually, in 1885 is when Nikolai Tesla came up with AC current, or alternating current. So either way you look at it, electricity was now something man could harness for various reasons. Doc Brown, being the educated man that he was, should have thought of this instantly.
Doc Brown should have invented the electric motor. It is very simple in design. Basically, a spool of wire wrapped around a magnet when subjected to an energy field (electricity) will cause the magnets to spin, thus creating an electricity driven motor. Doc could have invented a motor very easily using these base concepts, and then engineering a drive belt or chain system of some kind connected to the rear drive axel of the Delorean. This could easily be achieved in a relatively short amount of time, and could easily propel the wheels to the required 88 mph. What is a bonus is that the time machine wouldn't be traveling at a forward rate of 88 mph upon arrival at the new time destination. In the past this has caused the passenger in the vehicle to crash into a barn, a movie theater, and a pack of pissed off Indians. The time machine would simply activate and arrive at its destination safely.
But, Doc Brown was to die in 3 days, remember?! There is no way Doc could have made a motor in 3 days! I'm glad you pointed that out.
2. Pay Your Fucking Bills
It said in a newspaper article, in black and white, that Doc Brown was shot dead by Mad Dog Tannen over a matter of 80 dollars. So both Doc and Marty know HOW Doc is killed, WHY he is killed, and WHEN he is killed. This is some serious fucking information and yet they waste it. Doc and Marty only focus on the HOW, and WHEN. But I say fuck that... let's look at the WHY.
Q: Why Was Doc Brown killed by Mad Dog Tannen?
A: Doc owed him 80 dollars (5 for a bottle of Tennesee whiskey, 75 dollars for a dead horse)
Solution: Pay Mad Dog Tannen his 80 dollars.
That is seriously all Doc had to do to save his life. He needed to open up his wallet, pull out 80 dollars, and hand it over to him. Sure, he would lose his sense of pride, but he'd have his fucking life. Instead of doing that, he decides to hijack a train, drive it off a cliff, and accidentally saving a life of some stupid bitch he had no business saving.
I love the Back to the Future series, I really do. But part 3 just pisses me off. Basically, the first 2 movies had dire situations that justified all the crazy shit that happens. In part 1, Marty goes back in time and has no more plutonium to activate the time circuits to get home. He also fucks up his parents hooking up. So he has to 1. Work with 1955 Doc Brown to precisely time a fucking LIGHTNING BOLT to shoot into the flux capacitor, and 2. Get his mom to stop wanting his dick long enough to fuck George McFly, his dad. If he doesn't get his parents to hook up, he will never be born. If he misses the lightning, he will be stuck in the past for the rest of his life.
In part 2, they go to the future and bring back that almanac that lets Biff make billions on gambling and causing him to be able to change the timeline, which includes killing Marty's dad and marrying his mom, and getting her a boob job. So he has to return to the past and undo all the events that lead to this alternate timeline. The fact that they brought in alternate timelines, or alternate realities, was just badass.
In part 3, well.... if he had just paid 80 dollars, everything would eventually turn out fine. Way to think it out, Doc.
Make like a tree, and get outta here.
**EDIT**
I just realized that the Delorean in part 2 did fly, and could activate the time circuits after 88 mph in flight mode. This concludes that the mechanism involved to activate the time circuits is somehow tied into the vehicle's speed readout instruments. I imagine flight mode to be tied into the speedometer in some fashion to track speed in flight as well as on the ground (the wheels are not used in flight mode, but are turned with wheel hubs facing downward to direct thrusters to keep it aloft.) But either way you look at it, it was a speedometer mechanism of some kind that was used as a "safety" for activating the time circuits, and this should have been able to be easily mended or at least worked around without causing harm to anyone or any property.
Friday, March 18, 2011
I Aint Afraid of No Ghosts
Last weekend I attended a 3 day seminar in Tacoma. By the end of everything, I realized many things about myself that I thought weren't even there, or some of them I thought I had already moved past. This time I was able to see them in a 3rd person perspective, rather than just reacting in an emo sense as I tend to. This is what I discovered.
I have a track history of using trust and abusing it, breaking it, and twisting it to my own advantage and gain. I've lost many bonds due to this, and I always thought I've addressed them with certain individuals. I realize that being sorry for the act of betrayal and wrong doing is different from acknowledging WHY I would do it in the first place. Breaking trust is a result. A symptom. I have always treated the symptoms, but I never treated the disease.
I used to blame everything but myself for things that brought me down. I was overweight most of my young life, so I used that as the reason to why I was lonely and never had girlfriends or whatnot until I was in my 20s (where I had lost over 100 lbs in a year). Then I was thrust into all these complicated relationships and emotions and I didn't know how to handle them. I chose to be a victim in certain bad relationships where I let myself be abused for my kindness. I then chose to stop being a victim, but I over compensated -- I chose to victimize others and there starts my downward spiral. I chose all of it. All the unhappiness, all the sadness, all the excuses were all my choice.
Last thing I realized is that when I hurt others, I like it. I did this without realizing it. My mentality was "If I can't be happy, you won't be happy." or "If I can't win, you can't win." I would sabotage relationships and friendships to make others hurt worse than they hurt me. I chose to indulge revenge and resentment to take advantage, or get back at others.
All these deep seeded roots I thought I had pulled out a long time ago, but in fact are still there. Just dormant. Now that I know the source of the problem, I am happy to say I can now choose to change. I feel like a black cloud over me has been lifted. For the first time, I actually feel... hopeful.
Everyone has ghosts, and I been hiding from mine. Well I am not afraid of them any more. I've made a promise. A promise to myself. I choose to be a good person. I choose to be happy. I choose to love myself and to love others. I choose life.
Time to open the curtains and let the sun in.
I have a track history of using trust and abusing it, breaking it, and twisting it to my own advantage and gain. I've lost many bonds due to this, and I always thought I've addressed them with certain individuals. I realize that being sorry for the act of betrayal and wrong doing is different from acknowledging WHY I would do it in the first place. Breaking trust is a result. A symptom. I have always treated the symptoms, but I never treated the disease.
I used to blame everything but myself for things that brought me down. I was overweight most of my young life, so I used that as the reason to why I was lonely and never had girlfriends or whatnot until I was in my 20s (where I had lost over 100 lbs in a year). Then I was thrust into all these complicated relationships and emotions and I didn't know how to handle them. I chose to be a victim in certain bad relationships where I let myself be abused for my kindness. I then chose to stop being a victim, but I over compensated -- I chose to victimize others and there starts my downward spiral. I chose all of it. All the unhappiness, all the sadness, all the excuses were all my choice.
Last thing I realized is that when I hurt others, I like it. I did this without realizing it. My mentality was "If I can't be happy, you won't be happy." or "If I can't win, you can't win." I would sabotage relationships and friendships to make others hurt worse than they hurt me. I chose to indulge revenge and resentment to take advantage, or get back at others.
All these deep seeded roots I thought I had pulled out a long time ago, but in fact are still there. Just dormant. Now that I know the source of the problem, I am happy to say I can now choose to change. I feel like a black cloud over me has been lifted. For the first time, I actually feel... hopeful.
Everyone has ghosts, and I been hiding from mine. Well I am not afraid of them any more. I've made a promise. A promise to myself. I choose to be a good person. I choose to be happy. I choose to love myself and to love others. I choose life.
Time to open the curtains and let the sun in.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Free Refill
Redesigned the blog, complete with new URL, title, and color scheme. Time to change my perspective on things.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Panda-monium
Instead of crying into the pillow that is this blog, I decided to try to be somewhat creative. I try to surround myself with creative, like minded individuals who can express themselves in other ways than their complicated Starbucks latte. Here is my attempt at a short story scene dialogue... thing.
Panda-monium
written by Endless Mike (Michael White)
written by Endless Mike (Michael White)
(Poorly lit room, dirty laundry, old disheveled couch. Two guys, mid-twenties, sit watching TV surrounded by Chinese take-out boxes. A white shimmer of light from the TV hits their faces. A bong sits amongst the boxes and trash.)
Dave
Do you think like... real Chineses order Chinese food like we do here?
Mark
Wait, what?
Dave
Do you think --
Mark
No... I mean, Chineses? What?
Dave
Chineses.
Mark
Yeah, I know.
Dave
Huh?
Mark
Chineses is not a word.
Dave
Dude, Chineses are people from China. Their food is CHINESE.
Mark
Is it a talent of yours to be this retarded, or were you always like this?
Dave
Dude what the fuck?
Mark
It's C-h-i-n-e-s-e. Chinese. Just Chinese.
Dave
Yeah, the food. Chinese food.
Mark
You are a moron.
Dave
So anyways, do you think PEOPLE FROM CHINA order Chinese food like we do here?
Mark
I'm going to assume you mean that here as in America in general, and not just the two of us in this specific apartment.
Dave
Of course.
Mark
I don't know, probably not.
Dave
Why not you think?
Mark
Because they are Chi--... from China. I imagine they eat Chinese food all the time, hence they probably don't order it to take it home... since they already have it.
Dave
You do have a good point.
Mark
That's what they pay me for.
Dave
I see sarcasm was on sale.
Mark
Wal-mart special.
Dave
Right.
(Dave reaches for the bong and takes another hit, he motions to Mark who gestures his decline and continues to shovel rice into his mouth with chopsticks.)
Dave
Dude, I don't know how you use those things.
Mark
What? Chopsticks? It isn't hard.
Dave
But that's rice.
Mark
Master of the obvious, grats.
Dave
Shut up. I mean, it's rice. How the hell do you eat rice with two little sticks?
Mark
Well you don't stab them or anything. You just shovel it in like this.
(Mark demonstrates his expert use of chopsticks for Dave.)
Dave
Yeah that's great and everything, but I still don't see how it is efficient.
Mark
What the hell are you talking about?
Dave
Why don't you just use a spoon? Its rounded, it fits perfectly between your lips and into your mouth. It's a mouth shovel, and rice is like... shovel-ish.
Mark
Because I can eat it like this just as easily. Plus, it is more efficient. All Chinese food is eaten with chopsticks. Whereas, you need a spoon for some things, and a fork for others. Well, they do make a spork but you can't find those anywhere that aren't plastic. I've never seen metal sporks before. So yeah, in all ways possible... I see this as being more efficient.
Dave
Whatever. Chopsticks are retarded.
Mark
You're retarded. Millions of Chinese people do it this way without any complaints.
Dave
Chineses.
Mark
I am going to fucking kill you.
Dave
Dude seriously, if chopsticks were ideal, everyone would use them for everything... not just Chinese food.
Mark
Wow... that actually makes fucking sense.
Dave
Dude, I know these things. Do not doubt my power again.
(Mark reaches across the coffee table and grabs another box of take-out. The label on the box is clearly seen by Dave.)
Dave
You know what's weird?
Mark
I can only imagine.
Dave
The panda on these boxes.
Mark
How the hell is that weird?
Dave
Well, I mean... Panda Express makes it seem like you're eating fucking pandas.
Mark
It's just a logo, dude.
Dave
I know, but like... why would you use the logo of something that you aren't actually eating on a box of food. It's false advertising.
Mark
Pandas are a symbol of China and recognized by just about everyone as being Chinese. It's like America and the fucking bald eagle and shit.
Dave
We don't put the bald eagle on boxes of food. There is a difference.
Mark
I hate how stupid you are and yet I can't find ways to argue with your logic.
Dave
Because my logic is sound and you know it.
Mark
Whatever. Give me the bong. I an obviously not high enough for this conversation.
(Dave hands Mark the bong and lights the bowl for him, courteously. Mark exhales and sinks back into his old position on the couch and continues eating his General Tso's)
Dave
I don't think I could eat a panda.
Mark
Me neither. Not a whole panda, anyways.
Dave
I mean it dude. I couldn't eat a panda.
Mark
Why not? It's just an animal like anything else.
Dave
Aren't they like.... almost extinct or whatever?
Mark
Yeah, NOW. But before I bet there were like.. herds of them or something. They are probably almost gone because they taste so fucking delicious and everyone ate them all the time.
Dave
Things change when you eat the last of something.
Mark
It's just as delicious when it's the last of something.
Dave
It's like the guy who eats the last slice of pizza. Everyone sees you eat it and nobody probably says anything about it. But you know at least half those people there think that guy is a fucking asshole because he had the last piece.
Mark
Give me that fucking bong, still not high enough.
Dave
You would seriously eat a panda?
Mark
Well, if it were given to me to eat... sure, why not?
Dave
Seriously? They are cute and shit, doesn't that bother you?
Mark
Not really, it's made of meat. I like meat.
Dave
You wouldn't eat dog would you?
Mark
Fuck, hell no.
Dave
But it's made of meat.
Mark
I don't eat anything that is considered a pet. A panda is not a pet. A cow is not a pet. A pig is not a pet. You don't take any of those things to your bed and cuddle it at night. I also don't eat shrimp, lobsters, or crab because they remind me of giant insects.
Dave
Lobster is good dude.
Mark
I will never know the joy of eating lobster, I'm sorry.
Dave
Pandas are in zoos, that kinda makes them pets.
Mark
Nope. A zoo is like giant supermarket for exotic meats. The animals are just on display. They are not pets, they are exhibits... of meat and stuff.
Dave
Just promise me you will never eat a panda.
Mark
Only if you shut up.
Dave
.... Would you eat a giraffe?
Mark
Bong. Now.
(end scene)
Do you think like... real Chineses order Chinese food like we do here?
Mark
Wait, what?
Dave
Do you think --
Mark
No... I mean, Chineses? What?
Dave
Chineses.
Mark
Yeah, I know.
Dave
Huh?
Mark
Chineses is not a word.
Dave
Dude, Chineses are people from China. Their food is CHINESE.
Mark
Is it a talent of yours to be this retarded, or were you always like this?
Dave
Dude what the fuck?
Mark
It's C-h-i-n-e-s-e. Chinese. Just Chinese.
Dave
Yeah, the food. Chinese food.
Mark
You are a moron.
Dave
So anyways, do you think PEOPLE FROM CHINA order Chinese food like we do here?
Mark
I'm going to assume you mean that here as in America in general, and not just the two of us in this specific apartment.
Dave
Of course.
Mark
I don't know, probably not.
Dave
Why not you think?
Mark
Because they are Chi--... from China. I imagine they eat Chinese food all the time, hence they probably don't order it to take it home... since they already have it.
Dave
You do have a good point.
Mark
That's what they pay me for.
Dave
I see sarcasm was on sale.
Mark
Wal-mart special.
Dave
Right.
(Dave reaches for the bong and takes another hit, he motions to Mark who gestures his decline and continues to shovel rice into his mouth with chopsticks.)
Dave
Dude, I don't know how you use those things.
Mark
What? Chopsticks? It isn't hard.
Dave
But that's rice.
Mark
Master of the obvious, grats.
Dave
Shut up. I mean, it's rice. How the hell do you eat rice with two little sticks?
Mark
Well you don't stab them or anything. You just shovel it in like this.
(Mark demonstrates his expert use of chopsticks for Dave.)
Dave
Yeah that's great and everything, but I still don't see how it is efficient.
Mark
What the hell are you talking about?
Dave
Why don't you just use a spoon? Its rounded, it fits perfectly between your lips and into your mouth. It's a mouth shovel, and rice is like... shovel-ish.
Mark
Because I can eat it like this just as easily. Plus, it is more efficient. All Chinese food is eaten with chopsticks. Whereas, you need a spoon for some things, and a fork for others. Well, they do make a spork but you can't find those anywhere that aren't plastic. I've never seen metal sporks before. So yeah, in all ways possible... I see this as being more efficient.
Dave
Whatever. Chopsticks are retarded.
Mark
You're retarded. Millions of Chinese people do it this way without any complaints.
Dave
Chineses.
Mark
I am going to fucking kill you.
Dave
Dude seriously, if chopsticks were ideal, everyone would use them for everything... not just Chinese food.
Mark
Wow... that actually makes fucking sense.
Dave
Dude, I know these things. Do not doubt my power again.
(Mark reaches across the coffee table and grabs another box of take-out. The label on the box is clearly seen by Dave.)
Dave
You know what's weird?
Mark
I can only imagine.
Dave
The panda on these boxes.
Mark
How the hell is that weird?
Dave
Well, I mean... Panda Express makes it seem like you're eating fucking pandas.
Mark
It's just a logo, dude.
Dave
I know, but like... why would you use the logo of something that you aren't actually eating on a box of food. It's false advertising.
Mark
Pandas are a symbol of China and recognized by just about everyone as being Chinese. It's like America and the fucking bald eagle and shit.
Dave
We don't put the bald eagle on boxes of food. There is a difference.
Mark
I hate how stupid you are and yet I can't find ways to argue with your logic.
Dave
Because my logic is sound and you know it.
Mark
Whatever. Give me the bong. I an obviously not high enough for this conversation.
(Dave hands Mark the bong and lights the bowl for him, courteously. Mark exhales and sinks back into his old position on the couch and continues eating his General Tso's)
Dave
I don't think I could eat a panda.
Mark
Me neither. Not a whole panda, anyways.
Dave
I mean it dude. I couldn't eat a panda.
Mark
Why not? It's just an animal like anything else.
Dave
Aren't they like.... almost extinct or whatever?
Mark
Yeah, NOW. But before I bet there were like.. herds of them or something. They are probably almost gone because they taste so fucking delicious and everyone ate them all the time.
Dave
Things change when you eat the last of something.
Mark
It's just as delicious when it's the last of something.
Dave
It's like the guy who eats the last slice of pizza. Everyone sees you eat it and nobody probably says anything about it. But you know at least half those people there think that guy is a fucking asshole because he had the last piece.
Mark
Give me that fucking bong, still not high enough.
Dave
You would seriously eat a panda?
Mark
Well, if it were given to me to eat... sure, why not?
Dave
Seriously? They are cute and shit, doesn't that bother you?
Mark
Not really, it's made of meat. I like meat.
Dave
You wouldn't eat dog would you?
Mark
Fuck, hell no.
Dave
But it's made of meat.
Mark
I don't eat anything that is considered a pet. A panda is not a pet. A cow is not a pet. A pig is not a pet. You don't take any of those things to your bed and cuddle it at night. I also don't eat shrimp, lobsters, or crab because they remind me of giant insects.
Dave
Lobster is good dude.
Mark
I will never know the joy of eating lobster, I'm sorry.
Dave
Pandas are in zoos, that kinda makes them pets.
Mark
Nope. A zoo is like giant supermarket for exotic meats. The animals are just on display. They are not pets, they are exhibits... of meat and stuff.
Dave
Just promise me you will never eat a panda.
Mark
Only if you shut up.
Dave
.... Would you eat a giraffe?
Mark
Bong. Now.
(end scene)
Monday, February 21, 2011
Nevermind
I seem to have forgotten how to speak. I feel so much lately. Sometimes I want to smile. Sometimes I want to cry. Sometimes, I think so much that I don't know where I begin anymore. All this goes on inside of me and nobody knows it. I'm a foreigner, and I don't speak your language.
I'm sure everyone feels this way normally. Well, I used to not be like everyone. I used to be able to sort myself out, on my own and on the rare times I couldn't, I was never afraid to find a shoulder. Now I can't even look a girl in the eyes for more than a moment without quickly turning away to hide the look on my face and the words written all over it.
When I was little, my dad said that unless I was bleeding, I shouldn't be cry. This one lesson, out of the thousands of other lessons he ever taught me stands out after all these years. It's kinda funny how one sentence results in being closed on just about every emotional stressing level.
I really just want to tell you. I wanted to tell you that.........ahh... nevermind.
I'm sure everyone feels this way normally. Well, I used to not be like everyone. I used to be able to sort myself out, on my own and on the rare times I couldn't, I was never afraid to find a shoulder. Now I can't even look a girl in the eyes for more than a moment without quickly turning away to hide the look on my face and the words written all over it.
When I was little, my dad said that unless I was bleeding, I shouldn't be cry. This one lesson, out of the thousands of other lessons he ever taught me stands out after all these years. It's kinda funny how one sentence results in being closed on just about every emotional stressing level.
I really just want to tell you. I wanted to tell you that.........ahh... nevermind.
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