It's days like today I really wonder where my heart and mind have gone, and if they have truly healed, or if they have been cast in stone this whole time. Am I deceiving myself, or have I honestly changed? I thought the path before me was clear, but now I am not so sure. I seem to be lost in fog once more.
I am surprisingly unaffected now that its all out there. I am more worried that I feel almost nothing than actually over the specifics of it all. Does the fact that I feel nothing mean I must be broken, still? I almost want to say that I felt like I did no wrong, but that is not the case. I have to realize that just because I think he deserved it, doesn't mean I shouldn't feel bad about the knife I put into his back. I could lie to myself saying I know what pain he must be going in, but I never was betrayed by a friend like I was to him. And he was right, this isn't my first time being on this side of the smoking gun. I have to admit that I may just be a shitty human being.
I stand here holding a candle in the dark.... without a match to light it.
