Good morning?

Email received. Title: Good Morning. From: Leila. Date: 9/16/06 @ 8:48 am.

That is the email I received the next day rather. I did not check my email until the following Saturday. The contents, of which, were not very "good morning" inspiring. This was a reality check email, from her perspective. I don't have the email on this computer, so I will just basically recap some of the points made in the email.

Point 1 Summary - We are broke up, but that doesn't mean I'm telling you to get over or move on. Time *might* heal things.

She starts the email off stating that she understands I miss her and what we used to have. However, she is not wanting to see me on any regular basis. Also, she goes on to state that my sending her "cute" messages is not okay, because she broke up with me for a reason and that I need to stop talking to her as if we are still together. Sounds like a fair request, no? Well, that's one reason I hate women. If you don't want me to be cute around you, then why when I see you, you still kiss me? You still call me "honey" and tell me you love me when I say goodnight? If there were lines you had in mind, I would have thought they would have been crossed with the kissing me again part. Not the "cute" text message line. Telling me that time *might* mend things, and that I shouldn't "move" on.. what are you trying to say you want out of me? I feel like an overdue DVD, sure you know its time with you is over... but you want to hold onto it anyways, just in case you might want to watch it after all.

Point 2 Summary - While I don't take much stock in what other people say about you, I still believe them.

This part is where I am confused. She goes on to state that after we broke up, she heard a lot of rumors about me regarding stuff going on that I was doing behind her back... Something about a girl at Food Pavilion, communicating with my ex Amanda, as her cited examples. A.) Who the fuck do I know that works at Food Pavilion? B.) Amanda... lol!

The Food Pavilion person I have no idea what that is about. The only people I know there is Troy, who's a sleaze bag all on his own. And a girl named Melanie, who hasn't worked there for over a year. And Melanie doesn't even live in Wenatchee anymore, and is somewhere in Snoqualmie or some shit last I heard. Also, I barely knew her. I just only was friends with her BARELY through party/social run-ins. God knows where she is now. If that's who she thinks I was fooling around with, then someone please get her a calendar with some dates on it so she can see whoever has told her this stuff has no fucking idea what they are talking about.

Amanda... man that is super funny. We had something over 5 years ago. Yes, that's right. This is going back to 5 years ago. And that something ended after about 4 weeks ish. A really short story, summarized in even shorter terms. I will try to restate, without using adverbs. Amanda like Mike. Mike like Amanda. Dated 1 month. Amanda confesses love. Mike breaks up with Amanda. Point, set, match. Done. That's how simple it was. Yes, we dated for a time. Messed around a bit, that was it. I was no where near ready for a serious relationship. I made those abundantly clear before things even didn't get started. But, of course I failed to realize that women have a distorted view on things. The classic "give him what he wants til he changes to what I want" tactic. So after a month, she tells me she really loves me and all the alarms go off in my head. I later tell her again, how I feel... and that's when it ended. She got out of my car, crying in her driveway. I drove home. Did I feel bad? Not really, I was angry. I later had to fight a whole fiasco of bullshit on myspace from her little rant saying how I used her, blah blah blah and her friends bashing on me. She later apologized for that. But you know what, I still think back and I still get angry about it. Fucking women.

Amanda started dating Brad, a friend of mine and has also known Amanda himself longer than me since they were in high school together. Brad works in a gas station, has no ambition, and thinks the world owes him his dues. What dues? He lives his life like he's on some kind of social welfare.. like he is somehow some kind of victim of financial and life inhibiting circumstance that the world owes him a free ticket to success and happiness. This is her boyfriend, gas station man. She, is going to graduate school for a Master's in psychology. Gas station man + future psychology professional. You see what I'm getting at? You don't need a Master's degree to figure out that this isn't going to work out.

Well, that long story is as follows. They eventually broke up, and of course it was my doing. Well, it was and it wasn't. She was having problems with him, confessed she still had feelings for me. They write an email TOGETHER from her to me confronting me about wanting to break them up. I later learned that this was written with his supervision later on after they broke up anyways. They broke up because she didn't love him she said. She asked me if we still had some kind of chance, I told her no. She decided we couldn't be friends. Then, she wished me luck with Leila and told me that Brad was talking to her feeding her all his bullshit, just for my own awareness. Done, that was it.

I kind of went off on a tangent there, but here is the third point.

Point 3 Summary - You copied a folder with pictures of me to your computer. That folder also has pictures of my younger sisters. This makes me think your a pedophile.

Now this really gets under my skin. I felt enraged reading this. We were together just under 2 years. I've spent countless evenings accompanying her to dinner at her house with her family. I got to know her mom, her dad, and her sisters and brother and I started seeing them as my own family as well. My own family... who I cared about, who I learn to care about and who learned to care about me. So that being said, when she does everything but accuse me of wanting to fuck her younger sisters, how should I feel about that? Fucking pissed, that's how.

Point 4 Summary - I'm not the same person I was, but I am not sure if that's a good thing.

I have made her into a person she didn't want to be. That for a year, she tried to convey to me she was not happy with the relationship as it was on some kind of level. However, she is different now. But, she does not know if this is a good thing. She talks about having no ill will towards me, no malice, no hate. That she thinks everyone deserves a second chance. That people do stupid things, sometimes. But that doesn't mean that person is a bad person. That someone deserves to be forgiven.

Unless, that someone is me.

Hypocrite.