Waking each morning seeing the sun rise as I drive across the bridge to go to work each and every day, I have a fleeting thought roaming in my head, a passive thought, I just did not fully acknowledge that thought until today. Each day, the sun rises. Each day, time is reset and you are allowed to start over. Groundhogs day, so to speak. Each day is different, each day a new beginning. Bill Murray is awesome, just fyi.
Well sometimes, I don't want a new beginning. I want it to be yesterday. I want to go back and make the RIGHT decisions. Not possible, I know. We all have to live with the consequences to the decisions we make. But still, I wish. I ponder how things would be now if I weren't so foolish. I wonder why I must learn things the hard way instead of having the wisdom to not do foolish things in the first place. Maybe there is a flaw in my DNA, or maybe... on some sort of subconscious level, I just need to hurt inside to be able to really feel. Wow, I sound emo right now.
I've been told by people of my past that I seem to be a different person. Like I have changed, in a good way. More mature, more wise. Less of a dick. Honest. Its too bad the only person that matters to me still doesn't see that. The longer the separation, the more I hate myself because it just means I did that much to her that she still doesn't want to see me, or be with me. It's hard to improve yourself when you still hate the person you used to be. I try to not think about it, it just makes me depressed.
Anyways, if anyone reading this has a time machine, look me up. I will pay handsomely.
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